“Every now and then I get a Facebook friend request or an email from someone I once knew, like high school. Other times it is someone I don’t recognize. I am assuming this happens to you.
“How do you decide whom you connect with, or reconnect with, however you are contacted? Do you have any criteria? Do you ever ignore or disregard people, or those unexpected requests?”
G: One of the joys while I was growing up was receiving snail mail, even if it was just a birthday card. When I became a young adult, because I was inclined to write, I enjoyed staying connected with friends and relatives through actual letters and postcards. I was not one to just mail an obligatory holiday or birthday card, though that was a natural thing for me to do.
Many of my most tender memories are in the letters and cards that loved ones have sent to me. Some of these correspondences, a few going back to before I turned 20, are my most important possessions. Quite a few are stored in a gold treasure chest on my dresser. Periodically I will open the box, and you can imagine how many hours in reminiscences have been highlights of pleasure for me. Even with the bittersweet memories that get stirred up.
Now that many of us can choose to use social media, or text with such ease and convenience, snail mail correspondence has diminished. This is true for me, but snail mail has not been entirely wiped away from the various ways I stay in touch with my circle.
Platforms like Facebook offer people opportunities to not only discover others that they lost contact with, it is a fast way to scratch the itch of curiosity, whether it be about an individual, an organization, or a social or political movement.
Social media platforms provide us with information and connections that can be a safe way to engage, but not always. I do not recommend automatically opening emails from people or companies we do not know. Definitely do not accept invites without first doing some due diligence.
As to my process, when I receive any type of communication from someone I clearly do not know, I most often will take the time to research the person’s online profile. This is not always possible as many people do not “show up” on a random search.
If there is an indication that this person is connected to someone in my circle, I usually reach out via text or email to my existing, or ongoing, contact to inquire who this alleged acquaintance of theirs may be. I need to know whether this outreach is from a legit person, a bot, or perhaps is a hacked account.
I will take into consideration whether or not the person’s profile information, if I can locate some data, resonates with me. Currently I have people in my social contact universe who may or may not be aligned with me spiritually or ethically. I have not always taken sufficient time to scrutinize everyone.
So, whenever I do discover I’ve become “friends” with someone who has a questionable profile or distressing affiliation, particularly if their name had been added without my permission, I do not hesitate to remove them from my contact circle.
There have been several times when I have received a request and have not been able to satisfy my criteria. Those are the times that I may choose to ignore the communication for a period of time, or maybe quickly delete the request. Only a few times did I consider blocking someone, or end up doing just that.
Many of us who do have an online account or a public platform, or who occupy any kind of space in the global domain, are used to being spammed. But there is another type of unwanted invasion: In 2008 I coined a word for it: e-bardment. (see https://www.gisellemassi.com/e-bardment)
E-bardment is when we keep getting emails that are unwanted. They can be from people in our circle or strangers. Keep in mind, many of us do not realize when we are invading one’s privacy, another’s personal space, or are being annoying. so don’t pre-judge. Try to stay considerate and compassionate.
Just be extremely careful who you allow into your intimate or professional realms. An unexpected email, text, or social media query may be a terrifically delightful and wonderful beginning or the start of a colossal problem of stolen identity and funds deleted from your bank account, with or without your permission.
Email Giselle with your question at GiselleMassi@gmail.com or send mail: Giselle Massi, P.O. Box 991, Evergreen, CO 80437. For more info and to read previous columns, go to www.gisellemassi.com.
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