There are exactly two ways to play football and the Steelers are doing it right. Corollary: Nobody else is playing football correctly and Walter Camp and John Heisman weep from their podiums as angels in heaven. Rest in peace Wally, you would’ve hated the forward pass.
What I mean by this is that the Pittsburgh Steelers have scored exactly 187 points this season. Other teams in this general AFC ballpark of points scored include the 3–6 New York Aaron Rodgers, the 5–4 Walmart Broncos, the 4–5 Indianapolis Horsies. The Pittsburgh Steelers are 6–2 and hold sole possession of first place in the AFC North. Their division rivals have all scored upwards of 50 points more than them, except for the 2–7 Browns. Then again, the 2–7 Browns trotted out a man who is unaffectionately called “Groper Cleveland” by some fans, so I’m not really sure I should count them in these calculations. Regardless, the Steelers offense is down, bad, and this is in a year where most offenses are also down. The Steelers are uniquely low-scoring in an era where throwing the ball is king and running backs get passed around like grubby calculators before a bad Calc II exam.
And somehow, it’s working. Now, the reason for this is obvious: The Steelers have given up 119 points in eight games, the second lowest in the AFC, second to the Chargers. Their defense, anchored by the monstrous TJ Watt, is tearing up opposing quarterbacks and purely punishing everyone they play. It makes them one of the scrappiest and also most confusing teams in football. Neither Russel Wilson, nor Justin Field has looked particularly good on the field these last two months, but they don’t need to — don’t turn over the ball, trust in Tomlin, and the defense (and the notable absence of Matt Canada, football terrorist), is enough to propel the black-and-gold to victory.
It’s not pretty, but if you don’t like that, you don’t like Steelers football. I’m 50/50 on whether I like Steelers football. The team will probably make it to .500 and odds are Tomlin will secure some sorta wildcard spot, dropping a coupla-two-three games in the back half of the season against division rivals. (Ravens-Browns-Bengals-Browns-Eagles-Ravens is a nightmarish schedule for any team, especially one that is currently playing this whole football thing by the seat of their pants).
Outside of the Steelers, there isn’t that much excitement going on in the AFC. The Jets are bad, the Dolphins are worse, it’s all just sorta business as usual.
The NFC, on the other hand, is a whole different story.
The Washingtom Commanders are 7–2 and hold the No. 2 seed in the NFC. They’re not supposed to do that, but kicking Dan Snyder to the curb and actually trying to win football games has helped propel Jayden Daniels from a footnote in football to a bona-fide starter. The Commies are scary, and I would really, really like to refer to their dynasty as the “Red Scare” so please, if you’re reading this, Commanders, play real good.
Meanwhile, the Detroit Lions continue to run roughshod over the rest of the league, their 7–1 record not fully capturing how good they are at football. The Lions have allowed the second-fewest points in the NFC, with 150, and have also scored the third most, after the Bucs, and the Commies (huh, interesting). This is a lethal offense combined with a lethal defense, firing on all cylinders. Lions football is fun, and man I love watching it.
Meanwhile, the entire NFC West has been running a mid-off for the last few weeks, with the 5–4 Cardinals, 4–4 Rams, 4–5 9ers, and 4–5 Seahawks all competing to be the most middling team in the National Football Conference. There are tiebreakers, yes, but the NFL is currently hoping that entire mess of a division sorts itself out.
Meanwhile, there’s a lot of weird stuff happening in the traditional top-teams in both conferences. The NFC North is currently the only division with all its teams at .500 or more, and I’m not really sure if that’s a good sign or just another reason Chicago is cursed to rot. The one year that Chicago looked competent, and the Lions are good, the one year the bottom-feeders of the NFC North looked half decent, both the Vikings and the Packers found some sorta magic in their quarterbacks. Sam Darnold, someone who has been passed over time and time again as a perennial backup is now the star QB for a 6–2 Vikings team hot on the trail of the Lions, and the 6–3 Packers should make “All you need is love” their theme song as Jordan Love continues to push them into aggressively “pretty decent” territory.
The NFC south is a cross between a mess and a wreck, with the Panthers somehow not the worst team in football! That honor belongs to the Saints. Or the Giants. Anyways, the Panthers and Saints are currently both 2–7 and squabbling over the NFC South basement. The Saints have almost no depth and little young talent, and will continue to rot in cap hell as long as their GM keeps thinking middling 7–9 seasons are fun. This year might be bad enough to get the Saints to burn it all down and eat the cap but ya never know. The Bucs are doing pretty bad for a team led by the brilliant Baker Mayfield but I have surprising faith in them to make the playoffs, especially considering how weird the entire NFC is right now. Root for weird teams! It’s fun.
Regardless, go watch football. It’s good for your health. I think. I’m not a doctor.