Problem: I recently lost a good friend. It was unexpected and I’m finding all kinds of reasons that he should not have died. I’ve been in an if only he would have pulled through.
It is so hard to believe that he is gone. I’m angry because my friend had so much to live for. He was a good guy he would not hurt anyone and always spoke to everyone in such a good way. Even when he was sick he still felt that he would get well. I believed him too.
I have these imaginary conversations daily with him. I guess I feel he can hear me no matter what. I talk to him because I miss him. People tell me I’m losing it, but they don’t know how I feel. This is a private journey for me because I have never lost anyone, I was so close to.
Discussion: Well, the truth is as you say it is your journey, and only you can go through it. I will say there are stages of grief and people go through them the best way they know how. There is denial, depression, anger, bargaining and acceptance. I believe that we probably go through all of them and then may even go back to them.
If your friend was unable to have a private conversation with you, I think it would be appropriate to write out a letter to him. It would be helpful to you get some of the emotional upheaval you are going through. Maybe you could tell him all the things you never got to say to him when he was here. It has helped many people that I have seen in the past.
There are no right or wrong ways of handling grief, except to be respectful of the time you may need to mourn the loss of a good friend.
A client once shared a book with me: Healing into life and death, by Stephen Levine. It has helped me many times over. Maybe you could look it up and read it.
Remember that your friend did not leave you he just does not reside in a body at this time.
To submit problems, contact Juanita Sanchez, psychotherapist, by email at jsanchez1448@sbcglobal.net or through High Plains Journal.
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