DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced from my ex-husband, “Paul,” for 20 years. I never remarried. The divorce was mostly my fault because I was unfaithful. We never tried to save our marriage. He immediately started dating and remarried 18 months later. We have remained friends due to having four children and now grandchildren. I get along with his wife as well.
During the pandemic, I, along with a grown child, moved across the country. Paul and his wife followed us. We live about an hour apart. As it worked out, three of our four kids have also moved to be near us. Over the last two years, I have realized that I miss Paul and have hopes of us being together again. (He does not know this.) I have never disrespected his marriage or his current wife in any way.
They have a unique relationship because they often spend time apart and travel to see their families without each other. I think they also occasionally vacation separately. I know this isn’t necessarily a measure of their love or commitment, but my gut tells me it’s not the marriage they want people to believe it is.
My gut also tells me he may feel the same way I do. I often think he wishes he had done more to help save our marriage. Should I tell him how I feel? I’m happy in my life, but I don’t want to regret not speaking up if there’s a chance we could reunite and be the family I know God intended us to be. Any advice? — REGRETFUL IN ALABAMA
DEAR REGRETFUL: My goodness, you are certainly having a self-serving conversation with the God you should have spoken to before you committed adultery and blew up your marriage. While it may seem unusual to you, many couples visit their families separately, and some even take short vacations if their spouses aren’t interested.
Do yourself a favor and look for romance elsewhere. Your ex and his wife might greatly appreciate it if you did. Please consider it before possibly embarrassing yourself.
DEAR ABBY: My husband got into a disagreement with our next-door neighbor and no longer acknowledges him or speaks to him when we see him outside. Our neighbor still says hello to me and my special-needs daughter, but my husband doesn’t want me to respond. He says it is “standing by my man.” Is my husband right or wrong? I will follow your advice in this situation. — GOOD NEIGHBOR IN OHIO
DEAR NEIGHBOR: I wish you had mentioned how serious the disagreement between your husband and this neighbor was. That he wants to involve you in this mess doesn’t seem very “manly” to me. Do you want to be used as ammunition? If the answer is no, and you would prefer to keep relations friendly (if only for the sake of your special-needs daughter), then tell your husband to fight his own battle and leave you out of it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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